To compare two versions honestly, judge each against the same three questions: is it relevant, is it coherent, and is it precise? The version that answers those questions better is the stronger one, whichever is longer or sounds more impressive.
This lesson belongs to self-review and feedback use. It builds on turning comments into actions in the previous lesson.
Why compare at all?
After revising, most writers prefer the newer draft simply because it is newer. Comparison replaces that feeling with evidence. It also shows you which kind of change works for you, so you can repeat it in an exam.
How to compare two versions, step by step
- Restate the task in one line, including audience and purpose.
- Read Version A alone, then Version B alone. Do not flip between them yet.
- Ask the three questions of each version:
- Relevance: does every sentence serve the task?
- Coherence: does each sentence lead naturally to the next?
- Precision: are nouns, verbs and details exact rather than general?
- Write one line of evidence per question, quoting a phrase from the text.
- Decide, and say which change caused the difference.
The writing revision compare view shows two drafts side by side and prompts these same three checks. It does not award marks; the judgement stays with you.
Worked example
Task: write a paragraph for a school magazine describing the school bus stop at 7 a.m., aimed at students who do not take the bus.
Version A
The bus stop is crowded every morning. People stand around waiting and it is cold. The bus is late sometimes and everyone gets annoyed.
Version B
The bus stop is very crowded every single morning and it is always really cold there. People stand around and wait and wait for the bus, which is often late, and then everyone gets very annoyed about it because it is really annoying to wait.
Step 1, the task: describe the stop at 7 a.m. for readers who do not use it, so they can picture it.
Step 3, the questions:
| Version A | Version B | |
|---|---|---|
| Relevance | All three sentences describe the stop | Same content, plus repeated opinion |
| Coherence | Short, clear order: crowd, cold, delay | One long sentence, hard to follow |
| Precision | “crowded”, “cold” are general | “very”, “really”, “always” add length, not detail |
Step 4, evidence: Version B repeats “wait and wait” and “annoyed” and “annoying”. Nothing new is shown.
Step 5, decision: neither version is strong, and B is longer without being better. The next revision should add one exact detail, such as breath clouding under the single streetlight, and keep the sentences short.
Version C (the revision to aim for)
At 7 a.m. the stop holds about thirty students in a tight line, hands pushed into blazer pockets. Breath clouds under the single streetlight. When the bus is late, the line sags and shoulders drop, because nobody has anywhere else to be.
Version C adds exact detail and keeps a clear order.
The mistake to watch for
A typical error is to reward the draft that sounds more formal or uses more adjectives.
Mistaken judgement: “Version B is better because it has more describing words.”
Adjectives like “very” and “really” do not describe anything. Precision means the reader learns something new from a word, not that there are more of them.
The correction is to quote a phrase from each version that gives the reader a fact or an image. If you cannot find one in a draft, it is still general.
Check yourself
1. Two openings for a letter to a council about a broken park bench. A: I am writing to report that the bench near the lake entrance has a cracked seat. B: I am writing because I am upset about the park and its benches and other things that are not good. Which is stronger, and on which question?
Show answer
A is stronger on precision and relevance. It names the bench, its place and the fault. B states a feeling and mentions “other things”, which drifts from the task.
2. A student’s second draft is 30 words longer than the first. Name two checks you would make before calling it better.
Show answer
Any two of these: does every added sentence serve the task, does the paragraph still follow a clear order, and do the new words add exact detail rather than repeat earlier ones?
3. Why should you change only one or two things between versions?
Show answer
If you change many things, you cannot tell which change caused the improvement, so you cannot repeat it next time.
Where this leads next
Before comparing polish, make sure each version answers the task: see checking relevance before surface correctness. Once you have several comparisons, record the patterns in an evidence log of recurring issues.
A teacher who reads both of your drafts can often spot the change that mattered within minutes, which is one thing online one-to-one English First Language tuition is well placed to do.